No this isn’t a post about some strange mutant duck species (though considering the river in Elland I wouldn’t be surprised), it seems for the Premier Way ducks love is in the air.
Love is in the air for the Premier Way ducks!
“Awwwww” you may be thinking “isn’t it nice”, well NO these ducks are dangerous!!! I have witnessed several normally innocent and harmless (though a bit mouthy) ducks chasing random workers from the Lowfields Business Park. There are 3 rather randy and now belligerent ducks chasing one poor female duck, sure she may like the attention but this increase in duck hormones is a reason to give them a fairly wide berth.
As Premier Way is a busy road within Lowfields Business park, should a driver of a large truck swerve to avoid the ducks in question there could be dire consequences for the workers of the way themselves.
A brave I.T worker, or is he?
We may also see Duck hunters roaming the way in the early hours, or maybe even Elland locals hunting their for their dinner in these hard times.
An interesting and possibly worrying development would ensue if those male ducks were fast enough to catch their woman of the moment. I mean can you imagine hoards of horny ducks running around Premier Way? “Ah but I don’t work on Premier Way” your thinking, well Premier Way could just be the beginning.
A brave I.T (a turn it off and on again type) worker managed to take the pictures you can see here, risking his ankles in the process. Though thinking about it that does look like an Elmer Fudd style duck hunting hat he is wearing, so maybe he is just taking pictures to show his hunting friends his next target?
The chase is on!!
If there are any duck lovers (in a purely non sexual sense) reading this maybe you can get the ducks their own room until their hormones subside to normal levels, this would be a safer option for all parties concerned.
I encourage all brave workers of the way to usher the ducks back into the river and teach the male ducks the benefit’s of birth control, only then can we escape a wave of aggressive horny ducks rampaging through our place of work and maybe Elland beyond!
Any duck ushering is undertaken at the duck usherer’s own risk, we at Elland Today do not take any responsibility for injury to the duck or duck usherer’s.
*Update*
The Ducks are intent on staying it would seem, they now have their own twitter account @lowfieldducks.
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I couldn’t believe this article in the Halifax Evening Courier when I first stumbled across it.
I was outraged!
Some of you who live or work in Elland or know someone who lives or works in Elland will know which riverside park they are talking about and for those who don’t I can certainly confirm it’s no “rural gem”. More like smack head central. I regularly ride my bike through this apparent “rural gem” to get to and from the canal side path and when I don’t get a puncture from riding over used needles etc, I always have to power down to avoid all of the “darkseekers” that tend to congregate there getting smacked.
Last year volunteers planted hundreds of wild flowers and daffodil bulbs and cleared half a ton of litter.
Halifax Sub Aqua Club also cleaned up the River Calder.
BBQ'd Smack Head anyone? It's a bit like Space Cake, but with more of a come down...
Those two statements may be true, but they don’t tell you how many bodies were pulled from the river do they and by “wild flowers” do they mean they just allowed the lawned areas to go fallow and let dandelions and various other weeds grow (as it appears)?
I’ve got to say, for £50k I feel slightly let down by these efforts, especially knowing that I could have spent that £50k on re-landscaping my garden to allow friends, family and neighbours enjoy my garden and BBQs more throughout the summer months. In fact for that amount of money, I’m certain we could have erected some sort of construction that we could all have enjoyed in the winter too! And (and I know its bad form to start a sentence with an “and”, but I’m going for effect), had that been the case, they would have gotten some serious change from the £50k!
The rest of the article talks about more goody goody volunteers helping to improve the environment blah blah, but I see nothing in the article about clearing out the resident smack heads with a flame thrower whilst they are comatose, which TBF is perhaps the most humane way to rid the riverside park of them and, apart from re-landscaping my garden is also the best way to spend that £50k.
Does anyone else have any better ideas for spending the £50k or for getting rid of the Smack Heads in the park?
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Phew!
That’s all I can say! As I was driving to the Caddy Shack today for lunch, I had to pull in and mount the curb to allow a Fire Engine with full on flashing lights and sirens to blurt past on it’s way to an emergency. After it had passed, I pulled out and followed it for some time (obviously not at speed as that would be just reckless!), and discovered that the very same fire engine pulled into the Northgate car park in Elland – Exactly where I was going!
At first I thought a lady had set fire to her TT by mistake, but upon watching, it was apparent that this was not the case. After about 5 mins of sucking air through teeth etc, one of the firemen returned to the engine and retrieved a box of tools.
At this point I walked to the Caddy Shack and ate my pre-ordered lunch, so I’m unable to tell you exactly what happened.
Can anyone else shed some more light on this incident?
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That’s correct, you didn’t mis-read it. There was a fight in the Caddy Shack in Elland last night.
We were enjoying a quiet Friday evening drink and noticed a couple of lads that had just come in blatantly flouting the no work boots rule - I knew from then on that they’d be trouble
After their 2nd or 3rd drink, an older man approached and threw a single punch which was enough to knock his victim to the floor taking the contents of the table with him.
From the shouting that then ensued, I overheard that these two chaps owed the punchy chap some money and he wasn’t too pleased that they had enough money to go out drinking, but yet couldn’t afford to pay back what they owed.
Alison the landlady soon got everything under control and evicted the chap who threw the punch, but when things were returning to normal, the man’s girlfriend suddenly appeared and started to shout at the two lads including some base profanities that ladies shouldn’t utter outside of the bedroom.
Truth be told, I’m not surprised that this sort of thing happens especially when ppl with dirty clothes and what are clearly work boot’s are not only allowed into public places, but are also served alcohol?!?
When will ppl learn?
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Elland - Welcome back to Ellandtoday.co.uk
Welcome back to Ellandtoday.co.uk!
Ellandtoday.co.uk is THE place for people who live or work in Elland, or people who know someone who lives or works in Elland – could be a friend, could be family, doesn’t matter who, but what does matter is that you have a link to Elland.
You might have just driven through Elland once, or seen the exit ramp and sign post on the A629 Elland bypass (although why you’d want to bypass Elland is a mystery) and thought “Hmmm, Elland, I wonder what sort of place Elland is?”.
Whatever your link to Elland, or Elland themed or related question, Ellandtoday.co.uk is the place for you. Got an Elland related topic you want to discuss? Ellandtoday.co.uk is the place for you. Have something that’s not Elland related to say or ask, but feel that people with an Elland connection might or might not benefit? Ellandtoday.co.uk is the place for you.
In fact, Ellandtoday.co.uk is the place for us all!
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